Sunday, August 29, 2004

YPOTs Confound Me Some More

One of my twenty-something cow-workers called out sick today. She was "achy."* I think she's called out sick for more weekend shifts than she has actually worked. There was the weekend where she didn't show up for two shifts in a row and didn't bother to call anybody. This was followed by a tale of how she was threated by gang members and was afraid for her life. Apparently, she was so frightened by the gangstas that she forgot how to use the phone. That's some scary stuff! Um. Yeah. Whatever. She dates another YPOT cow-worker whom we call The Mullet. 'Nuff said.

And then there's the YPOT cow-worker whom I'll just call The Baby Seal, (as in, "I'd like to club her like a baby seal.") ** The Baby Seal fucks up everything she touches. She could fuck up a wet dream, as my friend Chris likes to say. It is actually a relief when the Baby Seal doesn't show up, because she creates more work for her colleagues and supervisors than she accomplishes.

I think the Baby Seal has Asperger's Syndrome, but I am not a psychologist, so I am pulling this diagnosis straight out of my ass. People with Asperger's Syndrome find it difficult to form social bonds, and have a hard time discerning and adhering to social norms. Here are some of the diagnostic criteria for Asperger's. Let's see if Baby Seal fits, OK? It'll be fun!

  • inability to interact with peers
  • lack of desire to interact with peers
  • lack of appreciation of social cues
  • socially and emotionally inappropriate behavior
  • clumsy/gauche body language
  • limited facial expression
  • inappropriate expression
  • peculiar, stiff gaze
Ding, ding, ding!!!

People say that I am mean to the YPOTs. They say that Ereshkigal is a bitch on the floor. They say that other booksellers are afraid of me. But, honestly. Can you blame me?

* Achy? I'll give you achy, you toy ass bitch! This week I put in 40 hours at the day job and another 24 at Big Bookstore, all while nursing a bad cold. Achy, my BIG FAT ASS.

** Please see Disclaimer in Sidebar.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

well, I love you. Anyway, I think "Achy" is trying to emulate you: She tried to kick someone out of the cafe yesterday. So out of her league. I think she was simply still under the effect of those foul vapors oozing from the Mullet. Delusional, you know.

11:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh, by the way, she CAN'T smile. It's something with her face, the way it's built, the, uh, muscles and, um, jaw and .... can't smile. Not natural for her. Hurts. OUCH. See. Can't. That's not a peculiar stiff gaze, that's her pad riding up on her....

11:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just want to point out the "twenty-something" that has missed work more than she attends is in her thirties.

1:18 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home