Friday, September 10, 2004

Outed, and Other Random Stuff

I've been outed to management. It's not like I thought they wouldn't find out eventually, but I was a wee bit nervous. The best feedback I've gotten so far is from the manager who is indignant that I did not give him the ™ for the phrase "Baby Seal". He first used that term to describe a former cow-worker who was, I swear, mildly retarded. So, I hereby pronounce "Baby Seal" to be ™ Gun Nut.

Tonight I helped a leggy Young Republican locate the Anne Coulter books. She was in the Political Science aisle and said, "I've been looking everywhere but I can't find her books." I showed her where they were - in the, um, C's for Coulter. Maybe she thought they would be shelved in the L's for "Lying Bitch". Or the I's for "Insane Whore with White Daddy Complex." I don't know.

If you are reading this, and you are a closeted gay man, or simply one of those bi-curious MWM that I see posting on craigslist all the time, I have a request to make. Please don't pull all of the male nude photography books off the shelves every single fucking day, and then jam them back in some random and out of the way place because you're too embarrassed to be seen looking at naked guys. Dudes! Just buy Freshman 10 Magazine. It's naked dudes without all the artsy crap. I promise you I will not even blink when I ring you up. Trust me on this. It will be more satisfying for you - and for me. Thank you.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

You could try telling the YRs that all the Coulter and Hannity is filed with the other psychological disorders, but I suppose that would conflict with the store's neutrality,

8:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

See, what you need to do is have a bunch of us pinko commie lefties hang out in the bookstore while you are on duty. Then when a Budding Fascist (sorry; Young Republican) asks you where to find Coulter et al., you flash us a hand signal and we go *move* all the books to the psychological disorders section. Then when the person goes to complain, we move them all back and whammo—you are off the hook and the customer is embarassed :)

8:39 PM  

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