Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Random Notes

The conjunction of holidays and Sunday hours this past weekend really put some people over the edge. We closed at 6 p.m. on Friday night, New Year's Eve, 9 p.m. on Saturday night, New Year's Day, and then 9 p.m. on Sunday which is our normal Sunday closing time. Given that we're open six nights a week until 11 p.m. all year long, and only closed on Christmas and Thanksgiving, I think that closing early on New Year's Eve and New Year's Day is reasonable, don't you? One customer was annoyed that we were closing at 9 on New Year's Day. I told him that Big Bookstore was giving us the remaining three hours of the holiday to celebrate and I was sorry if it inconvenienced him. Another customer snarlingly told the manager that he WOULD BE BACK WHEN WE OPENED AT 9 A.M. THE NEXT DAY. Because, you know, we always get upset when people threaten to shop at our store.

* * *

The cafe was packed on Sunday. We made repeated announcements about the one hour seating limit. When the announcements had no effect, and I had three separate groups of people with food and drink circling looking for a place to sit, I started approaching study buddies who had been there longer than one hour, and who had no food or drink from the cafe.

Disgruntled Bookseller: Ma'am, were you planning to get something from the Cafe? Because if not, I really need your table for the folks standing over there with food.
Nursing Exam Bitch: I got coffee this morning.
DB: Well, ma'am, that was this morning and we do have a one hour seating limit in the Cafe.
Nursing Exam Bitch: But I already had coffee this morning.
DB (wearily): Again, ma'am. We have a one hour seating limit in the Cafe. If you're not going to be having an refreshments from the Cafe, I really need your table.
Nursing Exam Bitch (angrily): Alright! I'm getting a cup of coffee.
DB: Fine.
Nursing Exam Bitch (still angry): You'll see! I'll get a cup of coffee every hour! You don't know how to run a business! I've been here for three days!

What I Didn't Say: Um. Yes. That's the point. You've been here for three days, and you've purchased one cup of coffee. And again, threatening to purchase product from the store doesn't really scare me. In fact, that's the whole fucking point you stupid cunt.

* * *

Charles Manson has been in the store a lot lately. OK. He's not really Charles Manson. He's just a homeless guy who smells bad and looks a lot like Charles Manson. One night I told him he couldn't leave his grocery bags (full of what looks like garbage but is probably Very Important Stuff to Charles Manson) parked in a corner of the store while he walked around. He asked me why. I told him we didn't like unattended bags lying around the store. He said, "you just think it looks bad to have my bags lying around." I said, "well, yes, that's true, it does look like shit, but I was trying to be nice about it."

* * *

The Mullet needs to take daily showers. I'm serious. If this issue doesn't get addressed soon, I will be forced to take matters into my own hands. And you know I will not be nice or tactful about it. I nearly snapped on Sunday. I was this close to saying, "Mullet, do you ever fucking shower before you come to work? Because you smell foul." But I did not.

What's that you say? Why, yes. Yes, in fact, I do think I should get a prize for my restraint.

* * *

Book returners of the world: hear me now. We are not stupid. We know you wait until the weeks after Christmas to return the unreturnable. You think that due to the sheer volume of post-holiday returns we will not notice that you are attempting to return a ratty, yellowed copy of a crappy novel that has been out of print for five years, or those shitty Book Club editions of bestsellers that are bound with spit and rubberbands. Unfortunately, it's true that occasionally, because of people like the Mullet, you get away with it. Woe to those, however, who attempt a bogus return on my register shift. I like to draw the process out. Spend my time looking the book up in the computer. (Even though I already know the item is not returnable.) Examine the book carefully. Telling you that the book is not returnable because it's not something we've carried for the last three years (if ever) is one of my little pleasures. If you argue with me about it, it's like icing on the cake. I do a little mental happy dance at one of the rare opportunities to say "no" to a customer. Sometimes I am almost tempted to break into song.

You cannot return your piece of shit.
Because you are a looooooser."

* * *

The Valentine's crap has arrived.


We are suffering a severe eye candy shortage on the bookfloor. My former crush, Senor Mujeriego, who turned out to be a pig, but was still nice to look at, quit last night. No notice. (Again I say, WHAT THE FUCK is up with YPOTs who give no notice?) To add insult to injury, El Otro Hombre Caliente has been moved upstairs to Music. APPARENTLY, NOBODY IN MANAGEMENT THOUGHT TO CONSULT ME IN THIS MATTER. Bastards.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Some random thoughts on random thoughts:

It is my impression that the Mullet is no longer a member (that creepy brother-in-law you'd never let alone with the kids) of the big bookseller family. Perhaps that's just wishful thinking.

Post-holiday returns abusers are bloodsucking leeches made bold by the "customer-friendly" policy of non-enforcement of existing policies. I say we should enforce our policies year-round and strip these weasels of a little of their sense of entitlement.

Finally, on the topic of El Otro Hombre Caliente (Young Senor Hottie): I look at his move to music as a chance to build my CD collection

10:48 AM  
Blogger ereshkigal said...

Excellent point about the CDs, Anonymous. I do find myself wandering up there more often for a glimpse of those mischievous, almond eyes.

6:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Am I the only one who thought Senor Caliente was gay?

7:10 PM  
Blogger ereshkigal said...

Yes, Anonymous. You are the only one.

There was a LOT of wishful thinking in that regard by, um, certain people in the store. (You know who you are!) But Senor Caliente is very straight but, alas, too young. Even for me. Also, totally out of my league. But a girl can dream.

12:01 AM  
Blogger mimi said...

I thought Senor Caliente was gay is because he is:
1) handsome
2) well mannered
3) dresses nicely
4) smells good
And of course the MAIN REASON
5) he has never hit on me, (however that is probably because of the age difference as there is no other possible reason).

11:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

3:03 AM  
Blogger Gerbera Daisy said...

What I find annoying is people who try to return stuff WITHOUT a reciept and then want the full price of what they are trying to return. Also annoying is when they want the cash back or put back onto their credit card when they have no reciept. And no matter how many times you try to tell them, but we have no way of knowing how you paid for this, they STILL don't get it. Another beef of mine is when I have said and done exactly what I should have and a manager does not back me up. Why have rules if the manager won't back the employee up. Geez!!!

1:42 PM  
Blogger Mediaeval One said...

You say Senior Caliente was 'out of your league'? I really must protest. I was quite handsome at the time you and I started dating. A muffin indeed. And I only got handsomer as time wore on. (And certain people thought I was gay...I mean, really.)

8:51 AM  
Blogger ereshkigal said...

GerberaDaisy, I totally understand your frustration. Anybody who has ever been overruled by a supe while following the rules does. But it makes sense from a management standpoint. We have to have the rules in the first place to discourage returns abusers, but there will always be the case where the cost of not acquiescing to the customer is greater than the cost of just accepting the accepting the return.

MediaevalOne, I was 7 years younger and 50 pounds lighter back then. If I had met Senior Caliente then he would totally have been in my league - except that he would have been 16 and, um, not so legal.

5:19 PM  

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