The Woobie
Last night, I did something bad. Something mean. Something that completely justifies my reputation as meanest of the mean.
I threw away somebody's woobie.
The woobie had been abandoned in the aisle between Children's activity books and Children's non-fiction.
It was a dirty woobie. A filthy woobie, really. Almost black from the grubby little paws of love that had clutched it for so long.
I picked it up using only my thumb and forefinger holding it far, far away from me. Who knows what vile little human spawn germs crawled upon its grubby surface?
I thought about putting it in the lost and found. For about 5 seconds. Then I went over to the trash can and dropped it in, shuddering.
Maybe if I hadn't just taken a look at the utter disarray of Ornery Moe, I would have had more charity in my soul.
See what fucking with the Sorting Cart does?
I threw away somebody's woobie.
The woobie had been abandoned in the aisle between Children's activity books and Children's non-fiction.
It was a dirty woobie. A filthy woobie, really. Almost black from the grubby little paws of love that had clutched it for so long.
I picked it up using only my thumb and forefinger holding it far, far away from me. Who knows what vile little human spawn germs crawled upon its grubby surface?
I thought about putting it in the lost and found. For about 5 seconds. Then I went over to the trash can and dropped it in, shuddering.
Maybe if I hadn't just taken a look at the utter disarray of Ornery Moe, I would have had more charity in my soul.
See what fucking with the Sorting Cart does?
posted by ereshkigal at 1:55 AM
4 Comments:
If you had put the woobie on the stickerless shelf, I'm sure we could have priced it and sold it. Most of the toys end up that gross after the parents who have no intention of buying them let their kids go wild with them.
ecban
You have a point there, ecban. I could have also dropped it into one of the many bins of plush toys in the Kid's section. Have you ever dug down through the plushie mulch in one of those? It's grim.
WTF is a woobie?
A blankie. Or bankie. Or Foofy. You know. A woobie!
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