Wednesday, January 26, 2005


I arrive at Big Bookstore for my evening shift. As always, I start my evening in the Cafe, sweeping books and magazines off the tables while I wait for the barrista to get me a soda to take with me to the registers. I start to do my thing, and shortly my arms are filled with books, newspapers and magazines that have been discarded by the, customers. I head toward the small cart that we keep parked between the Cafe and the periodical section to dump the load only to find that the cart has disappeared. In it's place stand two large rolling display carts with Bargain Books. I stop in my tracks and the words "what the fucking fuck" start to erupt from my lips. Sotto voce of course, because we can't swear in front of the fucking customers.

I page a manager to find out what is going on and the Tight Dude calls. I ask him what the hell happened to the cart. He can tell from the tone of my voice that I am supremely pissed. He doesn't know the answer, and avoids me for the rest of his shift lest he get caught in the blast radius when my head explodes. The Holler, a supervisor, finds me and explains that the cart has been put out in the trash. Cue cranial expansion. I begin a rant that doesn't subside for at least five minutes. "Where the fuck am I supposed to put all the shit I clean out of the Cafe? Should I just dump the magazines on the floor? Because I'll be happy to do that. In fact, why don't I just start doing that now? Getting rid of the cart is the stupidest fucking idea I have ever heard." It goes on far longer, but you get the drift.

The Holler goes to the loading dock and retrieves the cart and places it back in the Cafe. I am only temporarily mollified because I know that he is just placating me for tonight. The cart will be gone again tomorrow. And then. And then, they will be cleaning bits of my brain off the ceiling and walls of the Cafe, because surely my skull will not be able to contain the eruption.

* * *

Here's a suggestion. When there's an author event, and we're not allowed to use the paging system while the author is speaking, it might be good if people who aren't assigned to the registers bothered themselves once in a fucking while to look and see if the cashiers need backup. BECAUSE WE DID. Several times. And yet for an hour nobody bothered to see if this was the case, and we couldn't tell anyone this was the case. We couldn't page, you see. As I mentioned above. And the portable phone which the service manager is supposed to carry during such occasions was sitting on the information desk where it was doing a fuck of a lot of good.

* * *

Meateater - I threw your coffee cup away. It was foul. At first I thought someone at the registers had busted ass. OK. It's not pleasant, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. But then I realized that the stink was lingering. I traced said stink to your coffee mug which was sitting on the wrap counter. I couldn't leave the registers, so I double-bagged that badboy and tossed it. Sorry.

* * *

Let me close with a big hearty thank you to the crack team at the Big Bookstore warehouse for sending us some Advent calendars this week.


Blogger MarkFarley said...

Hey you,

We got in some copies today of 'Sharpe's Christmas' by Bernard Cornwell, those round robin books and a few Christmas kids books have also re-appeared today, why? (WTF)

I can't believe you guys don't have the da vinci code in paperback yet, we have had it since march and it sold like a million copies here? isnt that guy american?

RIP Big Bookstore trolley (LOL).

1:40 PM  
Blogger meateater said...

I would like to formally apologize for the unpleasant odor that accosted you at the cash wrap of the Big Bookstore. As I thought it was lost to Davy Jones Locker i did not know that it was even there. Won't happen again. Oh yeah and ditto on all that other stuff.

8:17 PM  
Blogger MarkFarley said...

Perhaps a worldwide bookselling New Years resolution to print off the following and display at all tillpoints

4:52 PM  

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