Friday, April 15, 2005

Shove This Apple Straight Up Your Ass

I don't even know where to begin this rant. How about this? I hate teachers. With a few exceptions, they are smug, self-entitled, rude, and cheap. Also, they are complete fucking pigs.

Twice a year, Big Bookstore offers a special discount to teachers over a three-day weekend. Today was the start of that weekend. Every time we hold this event, I am amazed anew at the scum to whom our society entrusts its children.

These are the things that I have learned about teachers.

1. They are, as I say, complete fucking pigs. Not only do they not know how to pick up after themselves, they actually seem to seek the maximum destruction of whatever section of books they are browsing. One teacher, in her quest to purchase one (1) children's dictionary, removed every single dictionary, and left them in five different places. Some were on nearby shelves. Some were on a nearby table. Some were shoved into fixtures a couple of feet away. And yet more were abandoned on her way to the register. Not content with removing one copy of each type of dictionary, she removed multiple copies of the same dictionary in her effort to eliminate Big Bookstore's slight profit margin through maximizing the resulting bookseller labor. Similar zones of destruction could be found in virtually every corner of the store.

2. They are freeloaders. Although we provided them with free food from the Cafe, and a hefty discount, several teachers complained to me and my colleagues that we didn't have enough freebies. One teacher spent five minutes telling me and my manager how upset he was that he didn't arrive in time for the raffle. He had been told over the phone that he would have until 9 p.m. to enter, when in fact, we did the raffle at 7 p.m. He went on and on and on about how he missed out on this because he was misinformed. You might have thought, listening to him, that we were giving away fabulous prizes -- perhaps, the Compact Oxford English Dictionary, or a nice DVD boxed set -- when in fact we raffled three gift bags containing approximately ten dollars worth of candy.

3. Like other civil servants, they have big dreams that they are too dull-witted and lacking in ambition to realize. Every Teachers' Weekend the small business, real estate and e-commerce sections are ravaged and the books redistributed in piles about the store. The teachers dream of starting their own money-making enterprises, which will free them from the triviality and futility of their miserable lives. They will never actually do these things.

4. They feel they are ugly, (and in this, they are largely correct). The Appearance section was completely trashed. I found several different piles of books on cosmetic surgery in different places and at different times throughout the evening.

5. They hate their jobs. Piles of career-changing and job-hunting books are a staple of the Teachers' Weekend destroy-a-thon. One pile of books I cleaned up tonight included, among other career-related titles, Great Jobs for English Majors. I've got news for you, assholes. It's too fucking late. You could have majored in something practical. You could have gone to a real grad school instead of getting a teaching certificate. You could have even learned a trade. You lacked the imagination or ambition back then, and I highly doubt you've gained either trait since.

So, anyway, I hate the teachers. They can all kiss my big fat ass


Blogger Gerbera Daisy said...

I have come to the conclusion that school teachers as a whole are the WORST people. At Big Bookstore we offer (for free) a nice (20% off)discount card to teachers for items that will be used IN the classroom. It states on the back of said card what it does and does not apply to. We are to ask if we see something questionable if it will be used IN the classroom. I would like to have a dollar for everytime you know damn right well what they are purchasing is not going anywhere near a classroom. I would be a rich woman. For example, I have had teachers purchase the da vinci code, cookbooks, sex books, self help books, and romance novels telling me they will be used IN their classroom. RIGHT!!!!! I HATE liars. Unfortunately we are not allowed to question any further. If their students did to them what they do to us, they would be in the principal's office. I hate liars and cheaters and unfortunately most teachers seem to fall into this category.

8:56 PM  
Blogger bushmeister0 said...

You're brilliant! I couldn't have summorized the teacher/scum problem better!

Of course, I have a horror story as well.

Pretty much the first night I worked at the independent as a manager in DC, a crazy woman claiming to be a teacher came in for her 100 copies of something or other, can't remember what (fill in the blank 7th grade english class title), but had no way of paying for them.

She wanted to just walk with $300 worth of merch and have my GM call the principle the next day to work out payment arrangements!

I told her "NO!"

She just lost her sh*t! "Do you think I'm a thief? This is the beginning of my class, what are my kids going to read tomorrow," etc.

Needless to say, she left empty handed, but from then on, every time she came into the store she always found some way of working into every conversation with my coworkers that I thought she was a thief.

Which she kind of would have been if she had left the store without paying for her merch, in the strictest definition of the word.

10:21 PM  
Blogger meateater said...

I would like to echo the sentiments regarding our most unpleasent collection of customers. This weekend is total "ass".

I had a teacher yell at me because she thought that I was accusing her of lying about being a teacher when I asked to see her school ID. The Teachers Discount card she had had expired in 2001. I asked her if she could fill out a new card.
Teacher: "what do you mean expired"

Bookseller: "the card is ony good for 1 year after the date it was issued."

Teacher: "well I just used it last week and no one told me that."

Bookseller: "Ma'am it is just Big Bookstore's policy. It is written on the bottom of the card"

Teacher: "I don't understand why i have to fill out another card. I already did all the paperwork."

Bookseller: "Big Bookstore likes to keep an up-to-date database of all the teachers who shop here. Sometimes their information chganges or they are no longer working as a teacher"

Teacher: "Are you accusing me of not being a teacher."

Bookseller: "No ma'am I am not saying that at all. I am just following the stores policy."

Teacher: "I can't believe that you would treat a cusmoner that way. That is very unprofessional."

Bookseller: "well ma'am if you are not satisfied wht the service that you have reiceved here today you are more that welcome to speak to my manager."

Teacher: "I just thought that most people were honest in this world. Other Big Bookstore cashiers must not have thought I was a liar. That is not professional customer service to accuse people of lying. You are very rude."

How do you resopnd to that???

12:40 AM  
Blogger MarkFarley said...

This reminds me of my teacher posts and they way they took liberty around World Book Day, using the surplus book tokens (they hadn't given to the kids) to use against adult genre fiction tripe...

Just another profession that gets fucked off with their job all day and come to the book stores to fuck with us...

11:45 AM  
Blogger xiu said...

For the record, I'm a teacher in an urban district and I spend between $1,000 and $3,000 of my own money every year on books for my students.

I do not want to change my job, consider myself ugly, or want to give you a hard time.

And I currently have 3 copies of the Da Vinci Code on my classroom shelves.

Maybe you had a bad day, but we aren't all cheap scum.

12:04 AM  
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11:27 PM  

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