Saturday, September 10, 2005

The Foot Is a Metaphor. The Reality Is Worse

Sorry it's been so long. I have no excuse. I just suck.

So let's get right to the ranting, shall we?

I'm in my usual cheery mood upon arrival at Big Bookstore this afternoon. As always, I clock in and begin assessing the scene. I start at Info to see what the reshelve situation is like. Not so bad today. There's some stuff. Not a ton, but there's no need for it to sit around on the cart, right? Satisfied that there are enough booksellers standing around with their thumbs up their asses to take care of the few reshelves, I head to the Cafe, pick up a couple of stacks of crap and bring them back to the reshelving cart. Again, there are booksellers standing around generally looking vacant and waiting for customers to approach. I always find this annoying, as my regular readers will already know, so before I head off to Kids, I bark at Trailer Park Baby Daddy, "there's shelving there for you to do."

(I call him Trailer Park Baby Daddy because he is like a poor woman's version of Kevin Federline, except he's even less goodlooking, and more skanky. He's got a knocked up girlfriend who works in the Cafe.)

Kids isn't a complete disaster, but I spend about 10 minutes picking up the big chunks and doing some general straightening. Once again, I return to Info. Not one book has been shelved from the reshelve cart, and the same booksellers are standing around. Trailer Park Baby Daddy has his thumb really worked up in there now. I turn to him and Weird Beard Dude and snap, "If I come back one more time, and those books aren't shelved, I'm going to...Stick. My. Foot. Up. Some. Asses."*

This is where things go awry.

Trailer Park Baby Daddy laughs and says, "I'd like to see you try. I don't think you can reach." I've already half-turned to stalk away as he's saying this, and my momentum carries me towards the Cafe. Which is good for Trailer Park Baby Daddy, as the words don't really sink in until I'm well on my way. Now I know that you're thinking that this is the point where I Lose My Mind, but amazingly, I do not.

Later in the afternoon, Calendar Boy tells me that Trailer Park Baby Daddy has actually relayed his snappy little comeback to others in the store. Because he's a big man, and I guess he's proud of himself. After hearing this, I can almost see people backing away from him for fear of being caught in the blast radius. Still, I maintain my cool.

You see, I know something that Trailer Park Baby Daddy doesn't know. He's already on the edge of the unemployment precipice and it will take just a few taps of my finger to push him over.

So. Trailer Park Baby Daddy? You out there? Can you feel that? That's me, tap, tap, tapping on your back.

Buh bye.

*Please see Disclaimer in Sidebar

8 Comments:

Blogger Gerbera Daisy said...

You Go Girl!!!

PS. I've missed you terribly.

6:08 AM  
Blogger SauciSquirrel said...

from the sounds of it, we have several TPBDs working at our store as well...

good luck with yours.

9:07 PM  
Blogger dearleader said...

Sounds like Trailer Park Baby Daddy might need a job with our Dear Leader. And so might you. Only working with our Dear Leader can lead to true contentment.

1:20 PM  
Blogger billygoat said...

TPBD makes my skin crawl and he thinks I'm his friend. Every day I hear something or he tells me something to make me hate him even more. It sucks to know all this crap and not be able to warn anybody. Ugh.

10:34 AM  
Blogger Kevin Jackson said...

Well, this is interesting. I did a blog search for barista and found your site. When I get some time I'll come back and find out where barista appears and how it relates - if it even does. Take care - nice work.

11:29 PM  
Blogger Manblogger641 said...

Where have you been we miss reading your blog.

9:26 AM  
Blogger Bookseller said...

Holla! Yo where have you been?! i hope all is well.... WE MIS YOU AND URE BLOG SO MUCH!!!!! COME BACK!!!!

4:09 PM  
Blogger Gerbera Daisy said...

Hey Disgruntled~ Hope you had a great Thanksgiving and you are ready for the Horror Days ahead. I have missed you and hope everything is good. BTW, has Trailer Park Baby Daddy been fired yet???

10:25 AM  

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