Saturday, June 04, 2005

Announcements

To the owner of a silver Mercedes SLK350 so new it still has 30-day tags, which was parked in the Big Bookstore parking lot last Saturday: I accidentally dinged your car door. Four times. I couldn't help it. You were parked a foot over the line into my space.

Sorry.

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If you're the woman who was looking for a book last week on how to write up your life experience in order to get college credit, I'm sorry. To my knowledge, there are no books on how to get a fake degree.

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If you are one of the many assholes who smugly refused to give your zipcode when asked last month, I've got a flash for ya: A zip code is not enough information for me or Big Bookstore to locate you, spam you, call you, stalk you, or find you to kill you. But a girl can dream.

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A message for the gentleman last Saturday night who made me ring five separate transactions so he could use the five coupons he printed out. ONE COUPON PER CUSTOMER, PER VISIT, ASSHOLE. Next time you pull that shit, I'm going to make you turn your sorry ass around and apologize to all the people in line behind you for being such a total dickhead.

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Finally, to the geniuses at Big Bookstore corporate headquarters who thought up the coupon for a discount on one item, and who think that customers are really going to pay attention to that "one coupon per customer, per visit" bullshit fine print: You are total fucking morons who have obviously never spent any time behind the cash registers at Big Bookstore. Please fuck off and die.



Well. I feel better now. You?

6 Comments:

Blogger Gerbera Daisy said...

I just got up because someone was supposed to come over at 8:00AM. It is now 8:20AM and Bozo still is not here. How happy am I at this point!?!? Especially since I have to work the closing shift at Big Bookstore tonight!! After reading your blog, I am feeling much better. Thanks Disgruntled! I needed that!

7:25 AM  
Blogger Bookseller said...

DB, you have outdone yourself this time! Kudos! This is yet one of your very best rants thus far! Looking forward to the next...

12:12 AM  
Blogger MarkFarley said...

she's back!!!!

1:21 AM  
Blogger Lyvvie said...

Superb!

I always give my Zip code.

And post code.

Dumb ass folk who don't are just, you know. dumbasses.

4:53 AM  
Blogger Ministry of Cats said...

I dunno about a book on writing up your life experience for a degree, E, but as it happens the insititution of fine learning from which I finally got my degree does, in fact, have a program which allows people to pitch to the administration their "life experiences" and how they relate to their degree program of choice. Said program is generally intended for people who, like me, couldn't quite manage to graduate the first time they went to university and have decided--after many years, sometimes many decades, in the "real world"--to return and finish it off.

I suppose there are some people who manage to sneak fake shit past the committees, but in this sole case, my dear, I think you're being unnecessarily harsh.

7:08 PM  
Blogger bottomer said...

If he's willing to wait on line 5 separate times, he should be allowed 5 separate ringups.

12:59 PM  

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