Saturday, August 06, 2005

First Anniversary Extravaganza!

I posted the first entry on this blog on August 6, 2004.

And you thought I'd get tired of it or run out of things to say.


It's true that my posting has become somewhat erratic, but I'd rather say something interesting every week or two than -- you know -- write crap every day. People who like the blog sometimes compliment me and tell me I'm a good writer. But really -- if I was a good writer, I'd be able to say something interesting every day.

I don't have anything profound to say in celebration of the anniversary, so I'll just post the little scraps I've been saving up for the last few weeks, m'kay?


Crap Basket Redux. Last night the "customers" destroyed: a My Little Pony paint-on-velour kit, a Disney Princess Music Player, a Pixar Adventures movie viewer, a fugly pink backpack covered in bears and stuffed with back to school crap, a "Story Time Fun Pack," two (2!) doll hair kits, "Groovy Tubes Sea Splash," a SpongeBob Squarepants coloring book, and one Spanish language magnadoodle kit. Total value of merchandise destroyed in one day? $172.70 Congratulations, customers with spawn! I think we've set a new record!

Here's something you might consider: When we shrinkwrap something? It's because WE DON'T WANT YOU TO FUCKING OPEN IT.

Also, blisterpacks? SEALED FOR A REASON.

God I hate the customers.


The calendars are here. I expect the Christmas merch to start piling up in the stockroom any day now. You have been warned.


I think I have scared the newbies. In the space of one twenty minute period tonight, three of them came up to me to tell me that they had been in the Kids Section and it "looked good." Honestly, I have no idea where they get the idea that I am to be feared. It's not like I have any real authority. Relax, kids! I can't really stick my foot up your collective asses, you know. It's a: metaphor.


Chick Magnet: Who's that lesbian from Lesbos who wrote the poetry?
Disgruntled Bookseller (incredulously): Um, Sappho?
Chick Magnet: Yeah! That's the one! I can never remember her name!

I've already notified the Lesbian Secret Ruling Council that Chick Magnet is a Bad Lesbian, and her recruiter should be receiving a demand from the Council any day now for return of the toaster oven. While I am not a lesbian (Hi, Mom!), I do have friends in high places.


I know we should not have laughed at the man who, while looking the other way, walked straight into and bounced off of the plate glass window. It was mean. Replaying the security video in slow motion? Totally gratuitous. We should be ashamed of ourselves. Really.